


The Russian Skate Family (and their Japanese In-Law)

by preciousbunnynoiz



Series: Silliness!!! on Ice! [19]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Pray for Yakov, Russian Skate Fam, Silly, silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-12-04 08:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11551041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousbunnynoiz/pseuds/preciousbunnynoiz
Summary: Hijinks and Shenanigans featuring the Russian Skate Family and their new favourite member through marriage: Katsuki YuuriBasically where I'm going to start putting all my stories about them being the most extra group of people ever. Like none of them are chill but I love to believe the five of them become LEGENDARY.Pray for Yakov guys he needs it.





	1. It's the circle of life

Yakov let out a breath as Victor explained in his normal press voice the work he’s putting in as both coach and competitor. As mad as his and Katsuki’s plan was Yakov would admit (only in the privacy of his own head or when he knew Victor would not hear it) that he was proud of Vitya’s work. Both Kastuki and Victor were skating at the top of their game. Like the other skaters in the rink they were hugely supportive of each other while also being competitive.

Katsuki despite the hiccups when he first moved to St. Petersburg had proved himself to be the glue that kept the team focused and working when Yakov was away. He helped the others with their spins and step sequences, earing respect from Lilia, and took criticism on his jumps well.

Yakov had sat in on one of Victor’s one on one training sessions and was pleased to see how seriously he took it. Doing little in practice that was different from what Yakov would have done and what he _did_ do different was well…relationship based rewards.

Katsuki also never interrupted Victor’s time on the ice but he did that that time to study form and jumps and then take those observations into his own practice.

So on the whole he approved of Katsuki coming to Russia.

However it did have its downsides…

Most obviously the fact that Victor had almost completely abandoned the persona of serious sophistication he’d maintained for the majority of his adult life. Now he was completely the ridiculous human being he’d always been but now one who followed Katsuki like a puppy and basically acted like one.

Yuri was much the same as he had always been but also followed Katsuki except instead of a puppy he was a cat who pretended it hated you even as it followed you room to room yowling until you sat down and petted it.

In Yuri’s case it was until Katsuki stopped and either paid attention to/helped in him practice or played video games with him.

Mila and Yuuri seemed to be having some sort of competition that they referred to as “tests of strength”. They were apparently tied.

Georgi actually now had someone who listened to his melodrama which made him EVEN LOUDER but at least Yuuri significantly improved his makeup.

Combine this extra group of individuals and they completely abandoned common sense and found new and interesting ways of sending Yakov into his grave at top speed.

But for now things were good, things were calm. Victor was behaving himself and the rest of the skaters should be training as per usual. Yes everything was nice and quiet…

Wait it was quiet.

That was never a good sign.

He started to turn around as Victor skilfully managed a question when music burst out loudly.

_Nants ingonyama bagithi baba_

_Sithi uhm ingonyama_

Even Yakov (mostly thanks to Yuri) knew the opening to the Lion King. Victor jumped and turned to look at the rink in confusion with the reporters while Yakov facepalmed and thought wistfully of the bottle of vodka he kept in his office.

(He used to drink at their antics but had had to cut back for his liver’s sake. He was Russian not immortal)

The reporters and Victor stared in silence as Yuuri glided past them, directly past where Victor was standing, with Mila kneeling on his shoulders as she held up a very grumpy but not struggling Yuri while Georgi followed; sliding behind the three of them on his knees his hands held up in supplication.

There was a moment of silence as they watched Mila somehow get down without dropping Yuri who she spun over her head dramatically while the other two skated after her pretending to be in awe of an increasingly pissed off looking Yuri still being held aloft.

Then she passed the younger skater to Yuuri who spun and then _threw Yuri into a jump!_ The little shit landed it too.

Victor had broken into laughter and was holding on to the barrier to keep upright as he wheezed for breath when the four idiots on the ice broke character and laughed as well. Katsuki skated over for a kiss and then the four of them skated to the other side of the rink to the practice they were _supposed_ to be doing in the first place!

Thankfully they turned off the Lion King music.

The reporters turned to look at Victor with expressions of amazement and awe and Yakov knew any hope of a sensible press conference was now gone.

He got an email from Celestino later that read: “And I thought Yuuri and Phichit was bad” and nothing else.

Yakov seriously wondered what he did to deserve all this.

Lila patted him on the arm as she passed him a glass of wine.

“Oh so many things but you can’t honestly tell me you regretted them”

He wished he could disagree.


	2. #Squadgoals

It started innocently enough.

Phichit woke up and immediately picked up his phone to scan Instagram. There, finally using the damn thing properly, was a selfie of Yuuri posing seductively for the camera. Properly seductive too, none of that duck lips winking disaster. Phichit felt very proud of his friend and former rinkmate until he read the caption.

_Bae is teaching me his skills. Coming for your title as Selfie King @phi-chu @victor_nikiforov #selfie #iwokeuplikethis #lovemyfiancé_

Phichit was mortally offended! He’d tried to pass on his selfie skills to Yuuri for years but it all fell on deaf ears and now he was not only giving all the credit to Victor but he was challenging Phichit’s title!

Oh hell no!

He cleaned up and took a perfect selfie, winking at the camera.

_You can try @Yuuri_Katsuki but you can’t win #selfie #onpoint #eyebrowsonfleek_

Then everything got out of control.

Really it was all Yuuri’s fault. They both knew how competitive the two of them could be. It’s what led to them both “accidentally” racing (stolen) cars in the middle of Detroit.

They only escaped jail time because they pretended not to speak English well and cried a lot. The fact that Phichit was 17 and Yuuri was 21 and both looked a lot younger than that probably helped.

Also the gang of rough boys who “sold” them the cars that they made up. They described a group that bore a strong resemblance to the group of frat boys who kept harassing their female rinkmates.

But that was as a nevermind.

The point is, challenges between them had a tendency to…escalate.

But this was a competition Phichit was sure he could win…until Yuuri brought in support.

_Bae and I have to disagree @phi_chu @victor_nikiforov #selfie #dealwithit #sexyandweknowit_

This picture was of Yuuri and Victor looking fly as fuck while wearing sunglasses, their expressions haughty but sexy.

Damnit. This was going to take work but Phichit was the Selfie King and no one was taking that title!

A few more selfies went back and forth between the two of them before Phichit killed it with a crop top body shot.

_You’re hot but I’m hotter @yuuri_katsuki #croptopday #selfiefight #selfieking_

No reply from Yuuri.

Phichit smiled in satisfaction and pocketed his phone, pleased with his win.

 

An hour later proved how wrong he was.

_You got style but I got #squadgoals @phi_chu @victor_nikiforov @yuri_plisetsky @mila_babe @georgi_popovich_

This wasn’t one picture but a whole bunch.

First was a group shot of the Russian skate team and Yuuri all in sunglasses and crop tops, followed by the ones that shot straight through Phichit’s meme filled heart and he knew he had lost.

First was a pic of Victor standing with Yuuri on his shoulders, Mila giving a shit-eating grin from behind him and Yurio in front pretending to be outraged by something, holding one hand to his head and the other pointing off where Yuuri was looking.

Next came a picture of Victor and Yuuri kissing while Mila gave Yuuri a high-five behind his back.

Then one of Victor and Yuuri looking smitten over the top of Yurio’s head as he looked at the camera disgruntled, squashed between them.

Then Yuuri lifting a preening Victor over his head while Yakov looked on with an expression that said “I’m so done with this”

Then the two that made Phichit know for a fact he’d lost.

First there was Yuuri, squatting in yoga pants and that damn crop top with Victor and Mila balanced one on each glorious thigh, feet off the ground and preening.

Then the killer.

Yuuri lay on the ground giving a shit-eating grin upside down at the camera, his legs spread in a partial split holding up Victor who had his back to the camera, in the splits. His weight completely supported by his fiancé’s killer legs. Mila was looking between their legs with apparent amazement while Georgi was looking with worry.

Phichit immediately facetimed Yuuri.

“YOU DIRTY ROTTEN CHEAT! THAT’S NOT FAIR! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO YOU COMBAT YOU LOT DOING DRAW THE SQUAD POSES!” he yelled as soon as it connected.

“Not my fault you don’t have as good a squad” Yuuri had that grin that he only got when he won. It was beautiful but also he could go to hell.

“YUURI YOU USED TO BE MY SQUAD YOU TRAITOR!” Phichit hadn’t felt this betrayed since his hamster Goldie bit his thumb.

“What can I say? The Russian Skate fam takes no prisoners” Yuuri was then glomped by all four of Yakov’s skaters who were jeering and sticking out their tongue at Phichit.

“Don’t worry Phichit you’re an honorary member as you’re best friends with my Yuuri! We’ll recreate the monopoly one with you and Chris at worlds” Victor offered.

Phichit was sure it was offered out of pity (and fear).

He should be offended.

However….

“I’ll take it”

He never could waste a good Instagram opportunity.


	3. Prank War

Predictably Mila started it.

No one knew when she had sneaked into the men’s locker room but she had planned it perfectly. They were all off the ice at the same time that day because the rink was closed that afternoon for maintenance.

Mila hovered outside the door to the men’s locker room until she heard the three lots of Russian swearing and the one of Japanese. Then she collapsed in a gale of laughter that only got worse when the door opened and she was confronted by four very annoyed very glittery skaters.

Yes, she’d rigged their lockers with glitter bombs so that when they opened it they’d be drenched in glitter.

“This means war hag!” Yuri shouted.

And it did.

Surprisingly though Yuri wasn’t the first to make their move.

No, to everyone’s shock, it was Georgi. He’d managed to somehow get his hands on their phones and replace all their music with the [Hamster Dance song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WpMlwVwydo) well known by the older internet users. It was almost worth it for Yuuri and Victor to see the utter confusion and horror on Yuri and Mila’s faces.

(Yuuri mostly knew it from his older sister and Phichit but he’d never tell Victor that)

Victor was the next to strike. He managed to also get their phones and changed it so that both Hi and Hello automatically changed to the opening to “My Immortal” again the shrieks of confusion and rage from Yuri made that particularly satisfying.

That was until Yuri got his revenge.

He was sneakier and he didn’t get them all at the same time.

Over the course of the month he’d find one of them asleep and simply give them tiger stripes on their face.

In permanent marker.

He got Victor and Yuuri first because he’d stayed at their house.

Georgi was next and Mila dodged him for almost two weeks before he got her.

By this point they were all very hesitant and looked at everything the others did with suspicion.

Yuuri decided it was time to end this.

“Look, this has gone on too long. Come to Victor’s and mine for dinner tonight. I’ll make curry and we can talk about this like adults.” Even Mila felt guilty that their gentle Japanese relative was upset so all agreed, determined to put this behind them.

Yuuri smiled in satisfaction and went home to prepare the meal.

That evening Yuuri stood in the dining room streaming the carnage as it unfolded.

Mila was in a foetal position on the floor, weeping through the phone to Sara about how she “always loved her” and to “never forget her”.

Yuri was also on the floor rocking and staring in a pocket mirror through his tears.

“Flames! Where are the flames! There should be fire!” a jug of water was on his side and he periodically drank from it and cried harder.

Georgi had run out the room and returned with a bowl of milk that he stuck his face into. As Yuuri filmed he came up for air and cried “WHY GOD?!? WHY!!!??”

Victor had also left and returned with a tub of vanilla icecream that he shovelled into his mouth between sobs.

“What the hell Yuuri!” he demanded around a mouthful of icecream, “I thought Japanese curry wasn’t hot?!”

Yuuri smirked.

“It’s not, but I never said I’d make _Japanese_ curry. Did you lot all forget what country my former roommate is from?” He took a bite of the curry and made a face, “It’s a bit bland actually”

The Russian Skate Fam was looking at him as if he was a monster.

“I don’t think we’re going to be having any more pranks are we” It was not a question.

Even Mila agreed.

They were too afraid not to.


	4. too many memes

“It’s now time for Victor Nikiforov’s exhibition. He’s been very secretive about it hasn’t he?” the announcer said turning to his co-worker who nodded.

“Yes he made the sound and light crews sign non-disclosure contracts, but then he is known for his surprises”

“Indeed”

They quietened as the rink went dark. A figure was just able to be seen skating to the middle.

A light went on just as the music started with a loud shout.

_Some BODY once told me_

The spotlight did not reveal Victor. Instead Yuuri Katsuki was in the middle of the rink wearing a sparkly blue crop top with the word Katsudamn written in gold sequins and paired with black sparkly leggings.

He danced across the ice with confidence…when

_She was looking kind of dumb with_

_You would not believe your eyes_

_If 10 million fireflys…_

Mila joined him wearing a green crop top with Bada** written across it in gold. She was just as sparkly as Yuuri as they moved seamlessly from the hard bold moves from the first song to flitting about like butterflys.

Then they stopped with a large gap between them and raised their arms as if they were doing a cheer for an American Football team.

_WHAT TEAM?_

_WILDCATS!_

At wild cats Yuri Plisetsky did a Russian split jump between the two of them. The crowd had been so focused on the pair skating they had missed his entrance.

The rink went dark and silent again for a moment before the spotlights came down to highlight Georgi wearing a sparkly black crop top that read Poppin’ across it.

_(Wake me up)_

The lights showed the others as they joined Georgi. The crowd was able to read the words Ice Tiger on Yuri’s purple crop top.

_Wake me up inside!_

_(Can’t wake up)_

_Wake me up inside!_

_(Save me)_

_Call my name and save me from the dark_

Their skating was suitably dramatic with longing gestures and a perfectly timed and executed triple axel performed by all four at once.

The rink went dark and silent once more and people could vaguely make out the skaters getting into a line.

A spotlight highlighted Victor Nikiforov finally in a pink crop top that read Ice Daddy across the front as the music started.

_Never gonna give you up_

Victor turned and winked throwing a pose. Another spotlight lit up Katsuki for the next line

_Never gonna let you down_

He threw a matching pose. Yuri was next highlighted.

_Never gonna run around and desert you_

Mila was next up.

_Never gonna make you cry_

Then Georgi

_Never going to say goodbye_

They all moved in unison, winking and skating around each other in perfect harmony.

_Never gonna say a lie and hurt you._

They skated to most of the rest of the song doing jumps in twos and threes and throwing in the occasional lifts and pairs moves. Either Victor lifting Yuuri or Yuuri lifting Victor or Mila lifiting Yuri.

The announcers were silent for the entire skate.

“They just rick-rolled us Bob.” One of them finally said. His companion sighed and hung his head.

“I know Jim. I know.”

+++

Their meme filled skate went viral instantly as did the following interview.

“Victor, why did you decide this as your exhibition skate?” a reporter asked as the five sweaty but proud and happy skaters stood with their arms wrapped around each other, their matching crop tops proudly on display.

“Because skating with your friends is the most fun!” Victor answered happily.

“Where did the names on your shirts come from?” a woman asked. Yuuri grinned from where he was sandwiched between Victor and Yuri.

“Their inside jokes and nicknames!” He explained.

“How did your coach feel about your choice”

“This year we lost our poor coach Yakov” Victor said in a voice of deep sadness.

“QUIT TELLING PEOPLE I’M DEAD!” Yakov roared from the side.

“Sometimes I can still hear his voice…” Victor continued. The five skaters looked at each other and started laughing.

“You seem…very close” a reporter said after a moment.

“It’s very simple, we’re a family” Georgi explained patiently, “Yuuri and Victor are the overly attached couple, Yuri is their grumpy child, Mila is the gay wine aunt and I’m the token straight”

“Awww you’re more than the token straight! You’re the kind uncle!” Yuuri said smiling down the line at Georgi.

“I’M NOT THEIR KID! I just like staying at their place sometimes!” Yuri shouted, his face turning red.

“Aw we love you too Yurio! GROUP HUG!” Victor shouted and the rest of the skaters all gathered together into a tight hug around the raging Yuri.

What followed gave the internet so many reaction shots as a camera turned to Yakov during the group hug and caught him sighing in exasperation and drinking straight from a bottle of vodka before being tackle hugged by all five skaters.

“AND YAKOV IS EVERYONE’S ANGRY DAD!” Mila yelled from the pile of skaters. The shot of Yakov staring off into the middle distance as he was covered in world class skaters was the most popular reaction shot.

It did not improve Yakov’s temper at all.


	5. Innuendo Tango

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor gets a risqué innuendo into an advert and it strikes a contest between the skaters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied sexytimes and a lot of innuendo flying about and a fifteen year old ruining a game by making the adults uncomfortable

It was Victor who started it.

Of course it was Victor who started it.

He’d done a stupid amount of commercials in his time and usually at some point during the process he’d get bored and start messing around a little. Being cheeky, seeing what he could get away with.

It happened less now because as much as possible he tried to bring Yuuri with him but this time Yuuri wasn’t very well and Victor wanted him to rest and recover as soon as possible.

So bored he got.

He was advertising some cologne and the tagline they were having him repeat over and over again was “Love is Golden”

It was painfully corny and it made him want to gag...but it also provided him with the perfect opportunity for some mischief. So the next time they had him look dramatically into the camera he said “Love is Golden, so shower them in it”

Normally he’d be told off for that but the person in charge of this commercial (not the director who snorted but rather the young person representing the company _loved_ this ad lib of his. He immediately made it clear they were running with his amended line.

The director who was as fed up as Victor made eye contact with the skater and with a grin went with it.

Finally released from the commercial he made a quick call to his beloved.

“Promise you won’t get mad” he said as soon as the call connected.

“...what?”

“I ad libbed a bit and they decided to go with my amended tag-line” he was very careful to not mention what it was.

“O...kay…?? Why would I be mad about that?” poor sweet innocent Yuuri.

“Just promise you won’t get mad when I tell you?” secure the promise first.

“...Okay? I promise I won’t get mad”

Victor told him.

Yuuri pretended to get mad before hanging up and laughing so hard he cried. Then he called Victor back and explained he wasn’t mad as it was Victor who was getting tied to the pee fetish.

“I still can’t believe you got something so...suggestive in an advert” he said still wiping away tears of mirth.

“Ah yes, I know that’s not something you could do”

Victor should know better then to offer Yuuri a challenge.

 

Shortly after his advert went live (their friends had a field day with that one) an advert Yuuri had done went live.

It was an advert for men’s formal wear. Yuuri was looking at the camera with a very Eros look, a tie held taut between his hands, the ends wrapped around his fist with the tagline “Sometimes it’s good to be tied down”

Victor first saw it in a giant billboard in St Petersburg, Yuuri at his side. Victor had been carrying shopping but when Yuuri had said casually “Oh my billboard is up” he’d dropped it and just stood there gazing at the picture with his mouth open and his trousers considerably tighter than they’d been moments before.

(He was surprised he hadn’t fainted at how quickly his blood flow had redirected itself)

“I said it would be nice to have a line that referenced our engagement and wedding since you could see my ring in the picture. Then I suggested the one we went with.”

“Ngh”

“The photographer asked to take me out to dinner afterwards. Actually he offered me his watch first and then dinner and then just cried at me” Victor believed that this happened 1000%.

“Ngh”

“I think it turned out well what do you think?”

Victor gave Yuuri a slightly wild-eyed look and then quickly gathered his fallen bags, grabbed Yuuri’s hand and hailed the nearest taxi.

Once they barely got inside their apartment before Victor showed Yuuri what he thought.

(Then again in the hall and then twice more in the bedroom.)

 

Of course once the power couple had set the bar the others couldn’t NOT join in.

Mila actually sought a company that did soft furnishings and somehow got the tag line and picture she wanted.

Yurio was convinced she drugged the man in charge.

Georgi thought she’d put a spell on the man.

Victor wondered she’d used her feminine wiles.

Mila just smiled mysteriously and refused to tell.

After the other three got bored and went to argue over which makeup brand was the best (the poor sales girls) Yuuri sidled over to where Mila stood looking at the picture of her in a very tasteful room, lounging provocatively on a chaise longue under the tagline “When the Carpet Finally Matches the Drapes”

“So what’s your guess?” Mila asked.

“I don’t have to guess I know.” Yuuri answered with a smile. That got Mila to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

“It was a woman you were working with, probably on her last job for the company and she knew that the men above her would be so busy looking at your legs they wouldn’t even notice the tag line” He explained as he returned the look.

“How did you…”

Yuuri grinned suddenly.

“Because that’s the only believable option”

“...Touche”

 

Georgi’s bowed out after Yurio’s.

Mostly because he, like the rest of the adults, found it slightly disturbing that the teen had come up with it.

It was a commercial that showed Yurio dancing, skating, running. All the unglamourous parts of their job looking tired and bruised.

“Pain” the voiceover said before showing Yurio recreating receiving his gold from the Grand Prix “Pleasure” the voiceover said before adding “Excellence is Pain for Pleasure” and then the logo for the sports company.

The adults turned and stared at Yurio who just looked smug.

“Checkmate Motherfuckers”

 

(After that Yakov made it that the company’s they were advertising with had to get his approval before running anything.)

(He also made Georgi explain them to him)

(No one envied Georgi)

 


End file.
